Van Halen, "Van Halen II"

CJ has a drink in his hands and his toes in the sand

, and

Dec 01, 2021

CJ’s Pitch:

If 1978’s Van Halen was the death knell for ‘70s punk (and it was), 1979’s Van Halen II drove the final nail in the coffin, doused it in gasoline, set it on fire and pushed it out to sea Viking funeral style.

Now, was VH II that much different than VH?

No.

Could I have simply pitched VH and guaranteed myself a unanimous slam dunk?

Sure.

Am I relying too much on that literary technique where I ask myself questions and then answer them?

Probably.

***

I love Van Halen II as much, if not more, than Van Halen for a couple of reasons. First, because I have a lot of admiration for successful second albums. As Elvis Costello famously said, “You have 20 years to write your first album and you have six months to write your second one.”

Van Halen said, “Fuck that, Elvis Costello, if that is your real name, we’re gonna do our second album in one week.

One. Week.

Fresh off a 10-month world tour during which they opened for (and upstaged) a crumbling Black Sabbath and an ascendent Journey, Van Halen raced back into the studio to record VH II. Fueled by nicotine, vodka and copious amounts of cocaine (I’m guessing) and buoyed by producer/rock star whisperer Ted Templeman, the boys pumped out this 31-minute Molotov cocktail in less time than it usually takes Ken to write an EONS pitch.

***

The other reason this album rises to the top for me is the unbridled enthusiasm and energy that vibrates through every song. Each member of the band is operating at the peak of their powers and yet there’s still a sense that they don’t even know how good they really are. Eddie’s guitar work breaks new ground with every note. Dave is in full-throated heavy metal lounge lizard mode and just oozing bravado. Michael’s contribution is certainly a solid bass line, but more so his soaring background vocals and harmonies (VH’s secret weapon) that complement Dave and elevate the band’s collective voice. And Alex’s drums drive each track like a nuclear-powered freight train.

***

So cocksure of this album was the band that they chose to open with a cover of a song made famous by ‘70s super chanteuse Linda Rondstadt. “You’re No Good”, a pop-centric, jilted lover bounce back tune (I’m shocked that Taylor Swift hasn’t covered it yet), was reconstructed by Van Halen into a sludgy, heavy rock dirge that UFO or Deep Purple would’ve gladly accepted.

Once that horse is out of the barn, the band unleashes a series of haymakers in quick succession. “Dance the Night Away” is a get-up-and-get-down track that became one of VH’s biggest hits. “Somebody Get Me a Doctor” and “Bottoms Up” are party anthems in the truest sense of the term. (Although I’d probably switch the order in which they appear since one seems like a consequence of the other.)

“Outta Love Again” and “Light Up the Sky” are fast-talking, street-walking tunes with catchy hooks and searing lyrics. In “Spanish Fly”, Eddie offers a counterpoint to “Eruption” in which he seems to say, “I already blew your mind with the greatest solo in rock history. Now I’m gonna dust you off with a little classical guitar work.”

Then comes one of my favorite Van Halen songs, “DOA”. It’s probably their nastiest song outside of “Atomic Punk” and “Mean Street” and I love every blood-soaked note.

Broken down and dirty, dressed in rags

From the day my mama told me, boy you pack your bags

We was sittin’ ducks for the police man

They found a dirty faced kid in a garbage can

Mmm, that’s some good grease.

“Women in Love” and “Beautiful Girls” bring you back to some simple skirt chasing to close out an album that offers ample nourishment to satisfy every Van Halen fan.

***

Gentlemen, it’s remarkable that Van Halen II was completed in one week. But I’m betting you only need one second to admit it to the Newbury St. Collection.

Mitch’s Response:

Van Halen’s success was their downfall.

Not the first time. The first time, with David Lee Roth, their success sent them to the top of Mount Olympus. They were the indisputable gods of rock, grabbing the hammer straight from the hands of Led Zeppelin.

But the second time around, with Sammy Hagar, their success brought them back to Earth. Sure, some of the Van Hagar songs are fun, but they’re cheesy. And the constant reunions and recriminations over the subsequent years made them appear more mortal still.

Van Halen’s legacy is somewhat obscured by the success of Van Hagar, but it didn’t have to be that way. And Van Halen II is a reminder of just how powerful and amazing the original Van Halen was in their heyday.

###

I’ve always thought of VHII as being the lesser sequel to Van Halen I, and in many ways that’s true, as it isn’t quite as good as Van Halen I, which just happens to be one of the greatest rock albums ever. This is kind of a Godfather 1 - Godfather 2 situation we’ve got here, folks.

It’s also the rare album where side B might be better than side A - but I'm biased by my love for “D.O.A.” (an all-time VH killer) and the closing duo of “Women in Love…” and “Beautiful Girls”. Then again, the opening combo of “You’re No Good” and “Dance the Night Away” is no slouch itself.

There’s a little filler run from “Somebody Get Me a Doctor” through “Light Up the Sky”, but this is where having the era’s best guitar player and frontman comes in handy - it’s filler, but the performances are great, so there’s no need to skip any song on this terrific album.

Pitch Successful (Shout out to Swampscott’s own Diamond David Lee Roth!)

Ken’s Response:

While I think CJ made a tragic mistake not picking Van Halen or 1984, it’s hard not to enjoy any of the first 6 Van Halen albums. As my colleagues rightly pointed out, they could bust out an album in no time flat, and still make it sound better, more polished, and more interesting than anything else that was going on in the hard rock world at the time.

It’s a simple formula that every young band should follow, and will undoubtedly get you a record contract. If you follow their lead, soon you’ll be making hits like “Dance The Night Away”, “Beautiful Girls”, and “D.O.A.” So to help all of you aspiring rock stars, I’d like to provide you with the first-ever published version of the Van Halen Formula For Success for you to follow. Good luck.

The first thing you need to know is that each of these steps needs to be followed precisely. Any deviation could result in an inferior product.
Get yourself and your band top-of-the-line equipment. There’s nothing worse than music played on shitty gear.
Make sure your lead singer is full-blown insane and can barely carry a tune.
- Make sure he/she is also one of the greatest, most outrageous on-stage performers in the history of rock music.
Scour the earth to find a guitar virtuoso. You shouldn’t settle for someone who can play like Jimi Hendrix or Randy Rhoads, make sure it’s someone with unheard of skill that’s also doing things that have never been done before. This may take some time, but trust me it’ll be worth it.
Grab a bass player that is competent enough to carry the bass lines, but is also the unsung hero of the band because of their backing vocals.
Your new drummer doesn’t necessarily have to be the guitarist’s brother; you’ll be fine with a sister, a cousin or a niece/nephew.

Pitch successful (I don’t feel tardy!)

CJ’s pitch was successful and Van Halen’s Van Halen II has been added to the Newbury St. Collection!

Right now, we need you to jump over to the comments section and let us know if you love Van Halen II because we ain’t talking about love, when it’s love, but why can’t this be love when love walks in? Because I can’t stop loving you when I feel your love tonight. Poundcake.

Exile on Newbury St.

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