KISS, "Rock And Roll Over"
Mitch says it was an honor to have served
Mitch’s Pitch:
For whatever reason, I've always done a terrible job at picking celebrity role models.
My favorite athlete was Pete Rose (degenerate gambler). My favorite author was Jack Kerouac (degenerate hobo). My favorite director was Woody Allen (degenerate pervert). And for a brief period in the late '70s my favorite band was KISS (degenerate capitalists).
Rock And Roll Over was the first LP that I bought for myself. (I also had a collection of 45s, but talking about 45s makes me feel like the "sure, grandma, let's get you to bed" meme come to life.) I'm sure that my purchase was heavily influenced by the awesome cover art and KISS's strong branding, because I am highly-susceptible to all forms of advertising, and KISS is the best branded, packaged, and sold band in the history of music.
KISS is definitely better at branding than they are at music, although I will suggest that they're probably the worst band with the most good songs. With the exception of Ace Frehley, KISS is below average at everything: singing, songwriting, playing musical instruments, being good people...you name it, they're bad at it.
As bad as they are as musicians, they're even worse as lyricists. Gene Simmons' songs are less poems and more confessions of various forms of sexual assault. Their greatest skill as a band might be how seamlessly they pivot from the stupid to the offensive.
And yet, I still kind of love this album. This stupid, offensive album from this stupid, offensive band. "I Want You" is a killer opener. "Take Me" has an infectious groove. "Calling Dr. Love" is a deserved classic. "Ladies Room" has the perfect amount of cowbell. "Mr. Speed" is surprisingly melodic. And "Hard Luck Woman" - which was originally written for Rod Stewart - actually sounds like a great early Rod Stewart song (if it was sung by Rod's Stewart's tone deaf brother). That’s a pretty respectable run of tunes from a band that would shortly pivot into being Scooby-Doo characters.
While it’s fair to criticize their excessive commercialism (the KISS casket may have been a bit much) I am still in awe of their branding, and their management of the brand over the last 50 years. Every time it seemed like KISS was fading they would somehow figure out how to get themselves back into popular culture. You can’t consider them “sell outs” because they never claimed to have any integrity.
I received my dishonorable discharge from the KISS army many years ago, and I certainly haven't considered Gene Simmons a role model since he stole my Shannon Tweed away. I seldom listen to KISS, although I do rewatch their hilarious Tom Snyder interview annually (a Tom Snyder reference? Now Grandma really needs to be put to bed).
But sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I still see the Spaceman staring back at me. You can leave the KISS Army, but the KISS Army never leaves you.
Ken’s Response:
KISS is an affront to every talented, hard-working musician out there. They have the musical skills of a decent high-school garage band, the songwriting skills of a pubescent, suburban teenage boy, the charisma of a slightly-more-likable James Woods, and their entire act is based on makeup, fake blood and stage pyrotechnics. The whole thing screams of laziness and complacency.
Everything about this tragic waste of vinyl is a disaster. The lyrics range from stupid to felonious, the harmonies are either a half-step flat or a whole step sharp, and I’m too upset to listen to them again to figure out which one it is. Gene Simmons' bass lines are that of a second-year student, and even the production sounds like this atrocity was recorded in an aluminum can.
I owned two KISS albums when I was a kid. Do you know why? It’s because KISS is a children’s toy, and somehow many of those same kids grew up and stayed loyal. I equate it with driving down a street and seeing grown men playing with GI Joe action figures in a sandbox. I can’t understand it at all.
But maybe Mitch is right; they’re masters of marketing. Sure, I’m not buying what they’re selling, but no one can argue that they aren’t incredibly successful. I don’t get marketing, I’m not generally a guy who’s loyal to a particular brand. I like quality, and Rock and Roll Over has none. Mitch said they’re the worst band with some good songs. He’s wrong about that; they’re the worst band with some “catchy” songs. The two are definitely not the same.
KISS fans, please come to your senses. By continuing to endorse this shanda, you’re giving permission to every terrible young band to continue to be lazy and pump out crap. Make the artists work hard to become better.
Listening to KISS this week has made me dumber, and angrier.
Pitch failed (you’d need an army to get me to listen to this again)
CJ’s Response:
I was never a member of the KISS Army. More like the KISS Army Reserves. One weekend a month. A couple of weeks a year. That’s when I’d catch up on all things KISS and then return home to my family and wait to see if we were going to be deployed to Detroit Rock City.
What I am for sure, though, is a KISS admirer. Not for the music or the costumes or the stage show or the Kabuki makeup. Although I did enjoy all of those things to some degree. No, what I appreciate most about this band was that they simply outworked everybody else. And that ethic started and ended with Gene and Paul.
These two guys plotted and schemed and strategized until they found a path to the top of the entertainment world by acting exactly like the most successful CEOs. They surrounded themselves with people who were better than they were (Ace and Peter). They always played to their core fans, never chasing the people who wouldn’t accept them no matter what they did (Ken). They branded and merchandised anything they could get their hands on (Why not a KISS coffin, Mitch?). And they always took their brand seriously (Watch the Tom Snyder interview. If for nothing else, then to see people smoking on live TV.) Gene and Paul would have been successful if they sold discount furniture. They just happened to be in the music business.
Gene once said that “Most bands wanted to be the Beatles. We wanted to be Coca-Cola.” I don’t know if they achieved Coke status, but I think Procter & Gamble is a good comp. For a time, they were both ubiquitous in people’s lives. Even if you swore up and down that you didn’t support them, one day you looked around your house and, sonofabitch, there was a bar of Ivory soap next to the Love Gun LP.
Rock And Roll Over was a lot of fun to listen to this week. “Dr. Love” and “Hard Luck Woman” are still great tunes and Mitch is right about “I Want You” as well. “Baby Driver” snuck up on me and I even caught myself humming “Mr. Speed” while I was shaving. Is everything on this album sublime? Of course not. But it wasn’t because Gene and Paul didn’t try like hell.
Pitch Successful (I never went to medical school, so they call me Mr. Love.)
Mitch’s pitch was unsuccessful and KISS’ Rock And Roll Over has been exiled from the Newbury St. Collection. What’s your take on KISS? Which Top 20 album from 1977 would have have pitched? Please let us know in the comments section.
Other albums from 1977 we’ve covered:
Please join as next week as the EONS time machine makes a short jump, spin, and split to 1979 with CJ’s pitch for BeeGee’s Spirits Having Flown.
So, so, so hard for me to say anything about this. KISS changed my life when I was 5. That said, I know exactly who/what they are. I don't defend them. I don't know why anyone would. The only thing I would probably disagree with is Mitch's "below average singing." In the 70s Paul Stanley was right up there with Robert Plant and Rob Halford. But if you're looking at KISS's singing OVERALL.....ok, probably average at best.
Gotta disagree with all of you on this one. Bagging on KISS is easy, from the higher perch of 2023; where so very much water and great songs have gone under the bridge since 1977.
But listen.
If you throw 4 hard rock/heavy metal musicians into a room with their gear, no matter how complex and savage their own music projects are; after a few beers one of them's gonna play a KISS riff. Like "Black Diamond", or "Strutter", or "Mr. Speed". At least one more guy will pick up on it, and all will find their way into it. And they'll be having a massive amount of fun playing it.
That says something about them right there, that KISS was a formative musical influence far beyond most more "acceptable" and perfectly great bands of that era or since can ever claim. And that leaves all the other stuff, makeup, Pyro, controversy, capitalism, all of it outside that door.
The riffs have outlived, and will outlive, all else said or written about KISS.