Blondie, "Parallel Lines"

CJ knows but he doesn’t know

, and

Dec 22, 2021

CJ’s Pitch:

A large, framed photograph covers the better part of a wall in our conference room at work. In it, the members of Blondie are boarding a private plane. The boys are either already on the plane or walking up the stairway. The band’s sole female, Ms. Deborah Harry, is in neither of these places. Instead, she dominates the foreground of the photo having just stepped out of a limousine in a high fashion coat and hat. She’s pulled the hat down over the right half of her face (strategically dipped below one eye, as Carly Simon might opine) and she’s sneering sexily into the camera as if to say, “That’s right, bitches. I’m about to get onto a Lear Jet stocked with top shelf booze and designer drugs because that’s how we roll. And if you don’t like it, you can kiss my formerly cotton-tailed ass. I’m Debbie Fucking Harry.”

Harry, a one-time Playboy Bunny waitress (hence the tail reference above), and her paramour Chris Stein brought that F-U punk sensibility to their music when they founded Blondie in 1974. Songs like “Rip Her to Shreds” and “Fan Mail” made them underground darlings and crowd favorites at CBGB and Max’s Kansas City. But it was their third album, Parallel Lines, that ignited their careers and served as a blueprint for the burgeoning New Wave movement.

As much as this album means to music fans (it sold over 20 million copies), it probably means even more to the dozens of women artists it influenced. Play Parallel Lines all the way through and then go listen to virtually any successful female-led act from the 1980s. You can hear Debbie’s phrasing and tone in Susanna Hoffs’ Bangles, Dale Bozzio’s Missing Persons, Belinda Carlisle’s Go-Gos, and even Madonna. Now listen to contemporary artists like Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus and Adele and tell me they don’t owe a debt of gratitude to Debs & Co as well.

For me, the strength of this album lies in the chameleon-like way the band can toggle from one genre to another. They lead off by covering The Nerves, the original punk/pop crossover band (did you think it was Green Day?), with “Hanging on the Telephone”. Then they counter with a straight-up rocker, the big hit “One Way or Another”. And before you know it, they’re on to “Picture This”, a smutty tune disguised as a love song that features the lyrics,

I will give you my finest hour.

The one I spent watching you shower.

While I was examining the Blondie musical tree, I should have mentioned that it wasn’t just the ladies who were influenced by the band. Eddie Vedder and Mike McCready must’ve listened to “Fade Away and Radiate” quite a few times before they recorded “Black” or “Once” or “Why Go” or maybe the entire Ten album.

With “Pretty Baby”, Debbie is channeling the Supremes, Martha & The Vandellas, and every other great girl band from the ‘50s and ‘60s. Then the band does an abrupt U-turn back to punk with “I Know But I Don’t Know”. It’s been a hell of a ride and we’re only halfway through.

Side Two, when there was such a thing as sides, kicks off with “11:59”. I may be overstating this, but I think New Wave started at some point during this song. “Will Anything Happen” is another Jack Lee (The Nerves) contribution and “Sunday Girl” is pop, sweet and pure.

Just in case you thought disco was dead, Blondie offers the chart-topping “Heart of Glass” to prove you wrong. Then, just for fun, they cover Buddy Holly’s rockabilly “I’m Gonna Love You Too”. Debbie even sings it “I’m a-gonna love ya too” like Buddy. And to cap things off, Ms. H snaps off a petulant punk tune with “Just Go Away”.

Gentlemen, you have before you a signature album featuring a generational voice at a watershed moment in music history. If we built an altar to Parallel Lines in the Newbury St. Collection, I bet a lot of our current residents would come to worship at it.

Mitch’s Response:

Reading CJ’s pitch was like stepping into an alternate universe where Blondie was basically the Velvet Underground - one of the most influential, innovative, and important rock bands in music history. To me, Blondie was a lightweight pop band with four good hits and a hot singer, and it never once crossed my mind to listen to one of their albums. Parallel Lines is the first Blondie album I’ve ever listened to, and I was wrong about them: they’re a decent punk-pop band with some catchy songs and a hot singer, but I’m not sure it’ll ever cross my mind to listen to them again.

Parallel Lines opens up strong with the 1-2-3 punch of “Hanging on the Telephone”, “One Way or Another” and “Picture This”, super-catchy songs that showcase Harry’s distinctive, highly-performative vocals, and deliver a cool blend of modern and throwback sounds. It’s a fantastic opening trio.

The album gets a little more experimental with “Fade Away and Radiate” which sounds like Spinal Tap recorded the theme for a Jamaican horror movie. “Pretty Baby” is more of that updated '50s vibe and “I Know But I Don’t Care” is another dark but campy rocker. “11:59” seems to combine all of the above, and Blondie is starting to feel a little less innovative, and a little more repetitive, but I’m still digging it.

Alas, there were four more songs that sounded a lot like the previous four songs, and I was starting to feel like all the miles were blurring together, like the parallel lines on the highway were slowly lulling me into a state of hypnosis. Luckily, “Heart of Glass” brought me back before I drove into the ditch.

This is one of those rare cases where I agree with the pitch - I can hear Harry's clear influence on Madonna and Amy Winehouse and others. I respect the artist and the album, and I'm really glad that I finally listened to Blondie. But I also know in my heart that I’ll probably never listen to it again. So, yes, make room on Newbury St. for Blondie, but let’s save the frankincense and myrrh for next week’s offering.

Pitch Successful (Heart of Marshmallow)

Ken’s Response:

CJ makes a great case. It’s such a great case that I almost forgot how terrible “Fade Away and Radiate” and “11:59” are…almost. I’m even going to go so far as to say he’s correct that Blondie pioneered the New Wave movement. Unfortunately, I can’t stand the overwhelming majority of New Wave music. Sure, The Cure gets me up out of my easy-chair, and early R.E.M. is phenomenal. But other than a few singles, you can take all the Depeche Mode, Echo and the Bunnymen, Tears For Fears and all their friends, and send them into space on the next Elon Musk trip. With a little luck, none of them will make it back.

There are a couple of fun tracks here. “One Way Or Another” is a nice little rock tune, “Hanging On The Telephone” was a surprisingly pleasant punk-pop tune, and “Heart of Glass” is a disco staple that makes me imagine 4-5 young women running back to the dance floor from the coke-filled bathroom of Studio 54.

Like Mitch and CJ, I understand the importance of the band and this album. But there’s also a 0.0% chance that I’ll ever voluntarily play it again.

Since starting Season 2, we’ve admitted some great albums into the Newbury St Collection. On the other hand, the albums we’ve exiled include:

Centerfield by John Fogerty
Continuum by John Mayer
The Stranger by Billy Joel
Thriller by Michael Jackson
Silk Degrees by Boz Scaggs

Each of those albums is light years better musically than Parallel Lines, and (in my best Lori Grenier voice) because of that, I’m out.

Pitch failed (but call me)

CJ’s pitch was not successful and Blondie’s Parallel Lines has been exiled to a conference room somewhere.

The tide is high so you might as well float over to the comments section and let us know one way or another what you think about Blondie. Is Parallel Lines rapturous or should it fade away (and radiate)?

Exile on Newbury St.

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