The Donnas, "Gold Medal"

CJ looks for a 2000s version of an '80s rock band and finds a champion

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Mar 24, 2021

CJ’s Pitch:

I like to think I’m a fan of The Runaways. But, that’s easier in theory than it is in practice. They get a lot rock cred for being one of the original riot grrrl bands, writing an all-time punk anthem (Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-Cherry Bomb!) and producing two legitimate stars in Joan Jett and Lita Ford. Problem is, after “Cherry Bomb” The Runaways catalog is pretty thin and much of it is downright awful. (If you ever have seven minutes to kill, really feel like torturing yourself and don’t have access to a Tom Waits album, listen to “Dead End Justice”. It is a musical and lyrical hellscape.) Now, if The Runaways had actually learned how to play their instruments, written more than one great song and didn’t have a dirtbag like Kim Fowley for a manager, they’d be The Donnas.

Formed in a Palo Alto middle school in the early ‘90’s, The Donnas are the epitome of DIY rock. With no formal training, they basically Malcolm Gladwell-ed themselves into a real band, logging the requisite 10,000 hours by practicing every day after school in drummer Tory Castellano’s garage. I gravitated to them because despite living their teen years in the Grunge Era, their heroes were the same as mine—AC/DC, Motley Crue, Judas Priest and punk icons Ramones. They even went through a phase where they insisted everybody in the band shared the name Donna. The same way Joey, Dee Dee, Tommy and Johnny were all Ramones.

Their early efforts were metal-tinged and fun, if predictable. Being a high school band, they took up the mantle of mean girls and their songs followed suit. They relied heavily on the “we’re gonna crash your party, drink your beer and steal your boyfriend” themes that had driven The Runaways. But, unlike The Runaways, they evolved.

Their breakthrough came in 2003 with the release of the album Spend the Night and its hit single “Take It Off”. Aside from touring with major hard rock acts in support of the album, they also began to appear on TV shows, movie soundtracks and video games. So, if you started this pitch thinking that you’d never heard of The Donnas, I’m willing to bet you have. Especially if you’ve ever watched Charmed, seen Detroit Rock City or played Guitar Hero.

I enjoyed Spend the Night, but I think it’s this album, Gold Medal, that showcases the best the Donnas have to offer. Gone are the teenage angst and party girl antics, replaced by slick arrangements, complicated adult relationship issues and a little Blondie-esque stalking, which I love (the Blondie influence, not the stalking). “Fall Behind Me” is the nominal single, but it’s only one of a number of great songs. “I Don’t Want to Know” is a 21st century “One Way or Another”. “Friends Like Mine” and “Don’t Break Me Down” are razor-edged confessionals. And “Revolver” is a straight-up revenge killer. In a weird way, Gold Medal brings the same attitude to rock music that Seinfeld brought to sitcoms. To paraphrase Larry David, there’s no hugging and no learning. Kinda the way rock should be.

The Donnas made a couple of more records after Gold Medal before calling it quits sometime around 2012. The four members went off and did adult things like going to college, getting married and taking real jobs. They could currently be coaching youth soccer teams and running for public office for all I know. But, they spent their teens and twenties doing something that all of us wanted to do at that age—being rock stars. And that alone makes them worth your time.

Ken’s Response:

It happens all the time to me; someone says a name of a character, or a person from their past, or a somewhat obscure band and I immediately think “How do I know that name?” Sometimes I never figure it out and it bothers the hell out of me, and sometimes I figure it out within a couple hours. But when CJ announced he was doing an album by The Donnas, I was certain I knew how I knew them! It was, of course, because they played at the P3 Club in a season 7 episode of Charmed.

What a fitting setting for my introduction to The Donnas. A second tier show in the midst of its very own second tier, having booted Shannen Doherty at the end of season 3. Much like The Donnas, it was still very entertaining and fun to watch, but it was also lacking some depth and maturity. So yeah, just like The Donnas.

Gold Medal is an upbeat journey all the way through, despite the anger, despair, and heartache behind the lyrics. When you make bubblegum music, even with a bit of an edge, it’s difficult for the sound to come across as anything but upbeat. Of course, the same can be said about a show starring 3 witch-sisters that are at risk of being murdered by demons in every episode. So let’s give them credit for knowing their audience.

This is a pretty fun album and it’s innocuous enough that I certainly wouldn’t turn it off if someone cast a spell from the Book of Shadows to make it play in my kitchen while I’m making dinner. My hope is that someday soon I’ll be watching old reruns, and up there on stage will be The Donnas headlining at the Peach Pit After Dark. But don’t look for Shannen Doherty in the audience, because she had already worn out her welcome on that show too.

Pitch Successful

Mitch’s Response:

Of the many candies and confections that I'd enjoyed in my life as a young sugar addict*, I always had a sweet spot for Fruit Stripe gum. Fruit Stripe easily cleared my low-bar: it tasted fake (no actual fruits were involved, thankfully) and it had a cool mascot. And while Yipes the Zebra wasn’t half as badass as Chauncey the Chocodile, I was always down for a chew or two.

*[In perhaps the most embarrassing confession I’ll make on these pages is the fact that I had a candy-themed Bar Mitzvah. Yes, Bar Mitzvahs had themes; No, I obviously didn’t become a man that day, or for many, many days thereafter.]

The thing about Fruit Stripe, as you’ll recall, is that the five allegedly different but indistinguishable flavors came on strong but went away just as fast. It was the crack of candy. And like any junkie, as soon as the flavor faded I’d shove another stick into my maw until the whole pack was one giant flavorless ball of braces-ruining rubber.

I had never heard of The Donnas before Ceej suggested this album and obviously I was terrified, as I am with most every CJ pick. Immediately I realized that he rope-a-doped me: telling me how much I wouldn’t like this album while secretly picking their most accessible and polished release. The opening punch of “I Don’t Want To Know” and “Friends Like Mine” was surprisingly awesome. I love The Donnas!

Alas, the flavor faded fast, and I found myself desperately shoving more songs into my ears in the vain hope of keeping the buzz going. The only other song I liked was “The Gold Medal” and twice while listening to this album I actually went to put on music, forgetting that I already had a whole pack in my mouth.

Maybe a cool mascot would have helped?

Pitch Failed

Don’s Response:

I can’t remember who turned me on to it, but I bought this CD back when it was released in 2004. I’ve never been a gamer and still haven’t seen any Charmed episodes, so I must have read about The Donnas or heard them on something called “FM radio.” Revisiting Gold Medal this week reminded me why I fell for them in the first place: they’re fun as hell.

Don’t be fooled by the pretty album art, because The Donnas are here to kick your ass. They may be a garage band at heart but they can play for real, with hooks aplenty, power chords out the wazoo and irrepressible energy.

But boys, watch out, because they’ve got your number from the start, with the opening lyric: I know where you live. They don’t let you or their boyfriends off the hook for the next 30 minutes. And by the time they get to the closing track, “Have You No Pride,” they’re done with you.

That’s actually my quibble with the record. As strong as the playing is, and as catchy as the tunes are, the lyrics blend together and come off as a bit redundant. We get it.

That said, my head was bobbing through every song, every time I played Gold Medal this week. A fun, guilty pleasure to revisit.

Pitch Successful

CJ’s pitch cleared the bar and The Donnas’ Gold Medal will be added to the Newbury St. Collection.

So, does The Donnas’ Gold Medal give you the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat? I don’t wanna break your head, but play my game and throw up some judge’s scores in the comments.

Exile on Newbury St.

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