Tesla, "Five Man Acoustical Jam"
CJ pulls the plug
CJ’s Pitch:
One of the things that WAAF in Boston was famous for (other than making my brother and I late for school everyday as we sat in the student parking lot listening to “the only station that really rocks”) was their live on-air performances. Bands like The Cars, Pixies, The Replacements and Soundgarden all stepped into the station’s cramped, little studio to showcase their talents.
When Tesla stopped by the station in the fall of 1990 to play an acoustic version of Five Man Electrical Band’s classic “Signs,” it wasn’t their first stripped down performance. After going acoustic at that year’s Bay Area Music Awards for their hit “Love Song” (to much critical acclaim), their manager basically dared them to come up with a fully unplugged set. The result was four live acoustic shows booked at small venues during off days on their tour as the opening act for Mötley Crüe.
Here, I feel that I must interject a word about how some of you must surely think of Tesla, if you think of them at all: Crappy hair metal.
Not so.
If you were to dismissively toss Tesla into the Aqua Net filled pool of hair metal, you’d be doing yourself a disservice. This was a straight-up rock band that happened to rise to prominence in the time of hair metal and were unfairly lumped into that genre. Lead singer Jeff Keith reminds me more of Rod Stewart than David Lee Roth. While guitarists Tommy Skeoch and Frank Hannon are surely acolytes of Keef rather than C.C. DeVille. Tesla was a jeans and t-shirt band in a world of spandex and taffeta.
Now back to our story.
So the boys kill it at AAF and suddenly everyone starts calling the station to request the acoustic version of “Signs.” Geffen reviews the tapes from the live shows and decides to take a flyer on the set that Tesla played at The Trocadero in Philadelphia. (For those not from the Philly area, The Troc holds a friends-and-family-sized audience of 1,200 people.) Five Man Acoustical Jam is released with little fanfare in November of 1990 and goes on to sell over a million copies.
Why did this album resonate with so many people? Listen to their bouncy show-opener “Comin’ Atcha Live” slide seamlessly into the Dead’s “Truckin’.” See how fan favorites like “The Way It Is” and “Gettin’ Better” lend themselves beautifully to this format. “Modern Day Cowboy,” Tesla’s first big hit, is a bristling Cold War anthem that thrums with existential angst. Acoustically, it strikes even harder.
And the ballads really shine. “Before My Eyes,” “Love Song” and “Paradise,” a song that felt way too close to home when my wife and I endured a long-distance relationship before we were married, rise to another level. The studio version of “Paradise” is great. The live acoustic version is sublime.
Where Tesla really distinguishes themselves, though, are in the cover songs. The “We Can Work It Out”/”Signs” combo is pure fun. “Lodi” surprises and delights. Do I think they would’ve crushed “Dead Flowers” even more than “Mother’s Little Helper?” Maybe, but I’m not complaining.
Ratt isn’t covering the Dead. Poison can’t hang with the Stones. Fucking Warrant isn’t taking on Creedence.
Forget the hair farmers in those other bands, boys. This “Jam” band deserves to rock straight onto Newbury St.
Mitch’s Response:
Many of you are aware of my life-long status as a HMFNBC (heavy metal fan not by choice) due to the (bad) influence of my older brother, Steve, a hardcore metalhead who used his physical advantage to dominate the boom box.
To me, heavy metal is like our childhood culinary classic: spaghetti with cream cheese and ketchup. I know. It’s disgusting to even read the words “spaghetti”, “cream cheese”, and “ketchup” together. (In my defense, I was always aware that cream cheese and ketchup was an unholy combination, and I didn’t particularly enjoy eating it.)
And yet, all these years later, sometimes I yearn for the old tangy taste of CC&K. It’s funny how we get nostalgic for even the bad parts of our youth. Bad parts like the terrible heavy metal music your brother foisted on you. I believe they call it Stockholm Syndrome.
Tesla initially escaped my attention because they came after the NWOBHM that dominated ‘80’s Jersey, but they quickly won me over with the release of the truly delightful Five Man Acoustical Jam.
Sure, it’s cool to hear them give a nod to boomer rock bands (and even my beloved Grateful Dead), but it’s actually the Tesla originals that truly won me over, especially “Paradise”, “Gettin’ Better” and “Love Song” (the best hair metal power ballad of all time). The songs are strong, the performances are great, the show is energetic, and I really respect them for not cheating and using an electric bass.
I may be a HMFNBC, but I’m definitely a Tesla fan by choice, and this album goes down easier than some noodles slathered in cheese.
Pitch successful (Recipe: 1 part TempTee cream cheese, 1 part Heinz ketchup)
Don’s Response:
Tesla’s Five Man Acoustical Band was recorded and released in 1990, during the waning days of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. So, who better to summon than Carson’s iconic character, Carnac The Magnificent. Allow me to don Carnac’s feathered hat, place a card to my head, and solve this riddle:
The sitcom, Friends.
A televangelist’s fake teeth.
Snow.
The answer: Name three things less white than Tesla.
The whole thing is vanilla. Basic guitar strumming with limited, uninspired jamming for a live show. Repetitive choruses during Tesla’s original songs, such as the line, “there’s no way out of this living hell” during Heaven’s Trail. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
But that was just the second track, so I was relieved the rest of the album included several solid, fun covers, including The Dead’s Truckin’, CCR’s Lodi, and the set’s best performance, The Beatles’ We Can Work It Out.
Alas, I was crestfallen to realize that Gettin’ Better was another Tesla original, not the Sgt. Pepper’s tune.
Nevertheless, the crowd (mixed too loudly) ate it up, while lead singer Jeff Keith chewed the scenery with over-the-top vocals. Keith is hands down the weakest link, devoid of soul, and blissfully ignorant about it. His between song banter equally tone deaf, including – wait for it – a bad ebony and ivory joke.
In the end, the best way to summarize Tesla’s Five Man Acoustical Jam is to paraphrase Spinal Tap’s Nigel Tufnel:
None more white.
Pitch Failed (having second thoughts about this EONS reunion)
Ken’s Response:
Once upon a time, there was a fellow named CJ. And for a whole year and a half, I’ve been reminding him of a big opportunity he let slip right through his fingers. You see, he could’ve pitched Tesla’s album, The Great Radio Controversy, but he didn’t. Why? Because he thought he couldn’t sneak it past the mighty gatekeepers.
Let me make something clear, I’m not against hard rock, and I’m not always against metal. What I AM against is bad music. You know, the kind that sounds like someone just mashing chords together with the goal being fame, not musical integrity. But Tesla isn’t like that. They’ve got talent. Real, honest-to-goodness skill. Even if a song only has three or four chords, if it’s complex and thoughtful, I’m all in.
CJ said Tesla wasn’t a “hair band,” but I disagree. When you turn a simple line like “all her friends can say is ain’t it a shame” into “ain’t it a BITCH” just to hype up a crowd, or when your song titles start using words like “atcha” instead of “at you”, and every single one of you has long, flowing hair…face it, you’re a hair band.
But here’s the twist in our tale, kids; even if you call them a hair band, their Five Man Acoustical Jam is fantastic. From the first song to the last, it’s like riding a roller coaster of classic tunes and singalongs. They sprinkle in their own songs, sure, but also cover legendary ones like “Mother’s Little Helper”, “Lodi”, and even the ancient Beatles gem “We Can Work It Out”.
But what really makes the album shine is the way the band plays together, every note right where it should be. The guitar work is amazing, especially on their magnum opus “Love Song”. They stretch out the intro so long and sweet that the crowd starts wondering, “Wait… is this what I think it is?” And then BAM they launch right into it, and it’s everything you hoped for.
So remember kids, never underestimate a band just because of how they look. It’s the sound and the soul that matters most.
Pitch Successful (When did Elon join the band? I’m so confused.)
CJ’s pitch was successful and Tesla’s Five Man Acoustical Jam will be charging up the Newbury St. Collection. Now it’s your turn to let us know what you think about Tesla, unplugged live albums, and your favorite cheesecake place in Philly. Join the discussion in the comments.
Please join us next week as Mitch tries to make sense of the Talking Heads with a dive into their 1984 live classic Stop Making Sense.
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While I'm thrilled that FMAJ wandered onto Newbury St., had lunch at Stephanie's and made it into our imaginary hall of fame, I think there is far too much protesting about what is and what isn't hair metal and whether it's okay to like it. Here's a hot take, boys. Tesla and the Black Crowes would've made a great double bill in the early 90s. They would've sold out plenty of Worcester Centrums across the nation. And before you clutch your collective pearls, I'd like to point out that they both opened for Mötley Crüe. Sorry to hurt you like that, fellas.
In 1990, I was living in an entirely different music universe. The Venn diagram of Tesla fans and people that might throw me into a locker was a solid circle. I'm not sure I've ever heard this record other than "Signs," or anything by the band besides this and Little Susie (sp?).
What I can 110% relate to is being late to class 'cause I was sitting in my car waiting for a song to finish. That alone tells me this record is worth a spot in the hall. Kids today are missin' out.